Funnies

 What? Funnies? On the psych ward?  Well yes actually. While I don't wish to downplay the the unpleasantness and pain of mental illness for many. , I actually enjoyed my stay on the ward. I came in presenting with manic symptoms which gradually subsided over a couple of days. Mania, subjectively, makes you feel like you have done a couple of fat rails of coke which last for days. And so it was that I came in with a swaggering confidence, like Jack Nicholson on One Flew over the Cuckoo's Nest and got them to tell me their stories, some of which were intentionally amusing, some unintentionally, and some tragically sad.

Amir:

Amir: So who is da best at philosophising and all that stuff now?

Me: It depends what you are into. I like the whole consciousness debate. Dennett vs Chalmers.

Amir: Aight. I know these guys.

Me: What you've read Dennett and Chalmers?

Amir: No man.  mean I know them.  I used  to feed them, aight?

Me: You knows these are philosophers, Amir, not cats, right?

Amir: I know. Not feed them. I mean FEED them. I used to sell dem crack and smack, like, innit?  All the best philosophisers are on coke and heroin. Get yourself back on the good shit. You come to me when you get out. No word of a lie man. I'm outta here. Take care brother.

Nazeem and Lydia
Me: Is there a list of rules somewhere, like, 'do's and 'dont's?
Lydia: There is but they never tell you. You have to work them out. It's a good idea to make notes like you are doing. I have thousands, I still don't know what's going on.
Me: I see.

Lydia: You'll be all right. You'll break the rules and not care. 

Me: How can you tell?

Lydia: I just can.

Nazeem: The main rule is that we are not allowed to play near the cliff. On no account are we to jump off of it.

Lydia adds this to her notebook.

Me: There's a cliff? Sounds very dangerous! Where is it?

Nazeem: (smiling knowingly) I don't know. I've not found it and they won't tell us.
She seemed intrigued by the fact that I was writing her comments down.

Nazeem: Why are you writing this down.
Me: It's for a blog. Don't worry. I'll change your name, my name, the name of the hospital the town, etc.
Nazeem: (pauses, thinking) I might have a cigarette. I might not.
Me: Well, I'm not going to write that down. It's neither funny nor interesting.
Nazeem: I see.
Me: Anyway, do you smoke or not?
Nazeem: I don't wish to comment on that.
Me: (writing) Now it's funny.
Nazeem: (blankly) I know.